Travels alone...

The other update is that I had 2 international business trips 10 days apart and they were so short (3 & 4 days respectively) with 1-2 days of travel that i didnt think it made sense to take S along... the last few times i had to travel the meetings were for about a week and he was younger so i had taken him and my mom along to babysit him while i worked... that experience was mixed... travelling with a small child is no fun (dont we all know that!!!)... and he refused to leave the hotel room with my mom for too long so he was pretty much stuck in the room the whole day watching baby einstein cds (this was the first time i introduced this to him to keep him busy and now regret that decision insanely!).
Anyway so this time i decided to experiment with leaving him behind... he is used to being with my mom the whole day anyway but he had never stayed without me for more than one night at a stretch... I was majorly STRESSED out - feeling guilty for doing this to him but then i couldnt cancel out of these meetings/training as they were really important and at the same time i just couldnt convince myself to take him just for 3 days with 18 hours travel so i eventually went all teary eyed... i remember the morning of my flight i went to office and i was talking to a colleague and suddenly i burst into tears, He was totally traumatized, thinking that he had said something wrong... and i had to explain between tears that no im leaving my son behind and i dont know what to do, what if he misses me etc etc.. and it was quite embarassing to say the least!!!
Anyway once i made it to the amazing city that i went to, everything just fell into place.., After such a long time i was travelling on my own and that was a nice feeling... i used to LOVE travelling on my own and am quite an adventurous traveller... so it was good to get that feeling back! Once i got to city 1, and got introduced to my other colleagues from around the world who were there for the same training, I managed to form this fun group who went around the city after the training checking out all the fun places etc... And did lots of shopping! My hotel was bang in the middle of one of the best shopping areas so i literally ran out in breaks to buy some toys for my son and then came back huffing and puffing back just in time for the next activity. I also made a zillion phone calls back home to check on my son... and he was just fine! I had told him that i was going to City X for a few days to buy him some toys so he was ok with me being there... everytime i called he just had a list of things for me to buy! He did miss me, he refused to go home because i wasnt there so my husband would go to my moms place daily and take him out somewhere fun... The other good part about this trip was the father son bonding that took place in my absence...  It was good to see them more connected minus me...
However the phone calls took their toll. When i went to check out there was a nervous guy at the counter who said err mam... please check your phone calls and confirm if they are all yours... i checked them and they were - unfortunately... when i confirmed, he relaxed a bit and said oh because we were getting worried as your phone bill is double the amount of your room rent for the entire stay! GULP! That freaked me out but then when i calculated and the amount is HUGE (luckily my company will pick up half of it as I am entitled to one phone call daily from the hotel - however long :) but the rest of the calls i rationed were worth it! It put me at ease and gave me peace of mind so that I could focus on my training and networking with key people in the organization... and have fun! Plus if i had brought him and my mom along for the trip, it would have cost me far more! Right - that makes sense i hope! Anyway i have to rationalize in my mind coz i gotta pay for it!
The second trip was also good but by this time my son was a little smarter... when i told him that now i was going to City Y to buy him some more toys he said - this time i want to come along and select my own toys!!! (because last time i got hiim everything in his list he was still not satisfied and actually said "yeh farm toh itna chota hai, mujhe big farm chahiye tha" (yes quite a spoilt brat i know!) (translation: this farm is so small, i wanted a BIG farm)
Anyway i had to tell him he could not come with me so he was not happy. This time he missed me more but still did not throw any tantrums and was not difficult but asked for me a lot and when i would call (this time a little more carefully), he would kiss me over the phone (awwhh) and tell me he missed me and loved me and wanted me home... yes very guilty feelings did come over me but i managed to deal with them! Second trip was also good - this time i was going with colleagues i already worked with locally so we had quite a blast too... however this trip was more stressful from a work point of view but i managed.
Summary is that however chilled i am sounding about leaving my son for both trips, it was a very difficult decision for me... somehow the mom guilt never leaves us... and even though it was great to get "me" time uno - meeting new people, exploring new places, with no responsibilities i really did miss my son! But i also enjoyed myself! :) And did some great shopping!  And he came out fine at the end of it... So alls well that ends well!