I have suddenly started feeling nostalgic over the last week or so... and keep thinking back to those carefree pre-marraige/pre-mommyhood days when the pressures in my life revolved around passing the most difficult university courses and then meeting deadlines at work...
I was telling my husband last night that life has become difficult to which he laughed out loud and mocked me saying "really how" in a very amused manner....
I told him that there is always something to do. Things/Errands/Tasks are never done. I feel tired all the time... He still didnt buy it saying that Alhamdullilah we are well off with lots of luxuries of life including many servants etc and I needed to use those resources better.
But now that i am reflecting on where that statement came from maybe it is because at least earlier when i didnt have so many "responsibilities" at the end of the work day or weekend i just got time to spend with friends... i had time to unwind, gossip, go out for dinner, watch an uninterrupted movie or just hang out and that itself is de-stressing. Now the only de-stressing thing i do is sleep... once I am up the"duties" begin. Yes this might be an aftermath of the 5 exhausting eid holidays but im really feeling it now...
im missing my friends. I have always been a very social person... i always had at least a dozen friends to call and talk and unwind with at any given moment in time... Over time my friends and i drifted apart as i went through many changes in my lifestyle, my views and we started to have less in common... Those friends that i had things in common with have all gone abroad after getting married etc. So i dont have any close friends in the same city as me any more... which is beginning to depress me now...
im starting to miss those girly talks, the ability to share ur worse moments with someone, to laugh through it with someone, and then get some good advise or a pep talk to get on with things... Maybe im having an identitiy crisis... putting yur own feelings, thoughts, needs before a little someones can make u feel like that u r a no one - im missing out on the ability to express myself... Be myself. I dont know who I am anymore... (maybe im slightly exaggerating here- but the feeling is there slightly)... I am first a mother, then a wife, then a head of department, then somewhere after that and some other miscellaneous items I am myself.
I am having a low day so maybe these feelings are a result of that... but i guess at the end of it all... im just missing having friends and being carefree and enjoying few moments being myself... and thinking about myself... i miss being selfish :) Maybe i am being selfish since i spent so much time on analyzing why im feeling low... i dont know... its one of those days...horrible Monday mornings!
Hi! Thanks for blog-rolling me on your space:) Just read your post and could feel myself relating to what you describe- like you most of my friends are either abroad or in different cities and post baby I seem be getting more and more disconnected with them. I've also taken a break from work which has further worsened my sense of identity- its more like an identity crisis now! Anyways hang in there, this too shall pass! Look forward to reading more about you on your blog.
ReplyDelete